Being Bobby Brown Jr.

FREE

 

Wait a minute, wait a minute
I think I got to take some time and clear my mind cause if I don't I might (scream)
Scream out loud in a little bit
I'm a tell you what I'm talking about Ladies (Ladies, ladies)
If you know what I mean
When you in love you give your everything
(I'm tired of that happening)
This time is for you and me
You been doing you
I'm goin' do me
Ladies help me sing it

[Pre-chorus]
You steady telling lies
I stayed and pacified
While I kept denying the truth
You always here and there
Finally I don't care
I'm going to keep it real with you

[Chorus]
Ain't no feeling like being free
When your mind's made up
And your hearts in the right place, yeah
Ain't no feeling like being free
When you've done all you could
But what's misunderstood
(It's all good, it's all good)
Ain't no feeling like being free
I'm like an eagle set free
And finally I'm looking out for me
Ain't no feeling like being free
Cause my minds amde up
And my heart is in the right place, yeah

[Verse 2- Beyonce]
Hold 'em up, wait a second
I got to get something off my chest
My happiness was our happiness, I lived and (breathed)
You and all your needs
Let me speak, it's best I do what's best for me
Now ladies, (ladies)
I got my mind back
I been there and done that (no looking back no)
Oh, this time is for me
If you been doing you
I'm going to do me
I'm free

[Pre-chorus 2]
Time is of the essence
And it's much too short to waste another minute on you
While you steady trying to hide
I'm packing saying bye
Thought you were my dream come true

[Repeat Chorus]
[Bridge (Kelly)]
No it ain't easy being left out (no)
Or being forgotten about (being forgotten about)
You don't deserve my love (my love)
I've had enough set me free (free)

[Repeat Chorus]

[Verse 3- (Michelle)]
Can I get some loving (mmm)
Can I get some time (mmm)
Loving in the morning (Yeah)
And in the midnight hour (baby,baby)
I gave you everyting you wanted (wanted)
I gave you everything you needed (mmm)
But you just didn't do right (no,no)
So baby I'm leaving
It feels good to be free

A Mother's Love

In honor of Mother's Day, I've decided to re-post a tribute I did for my mom back in Sept '05.

A Mother's love is something that no on can explain,
It is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfish and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it or take that love away . . .
It is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters even though the heart is breaking . . .
It believes beyond believing when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining, it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret like the mysteries of creation . . .
A many splendoured miracle man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence of God's tender guiding hand.

~Helen Steiner Rice~

I'll never forget the day I really realized how amazing my mother is and how much of an impact she's had on my life. I was in college taking a class called "The Psychology of Family" (i know interesting right). One of our final project was to do an analysis on the relationship between inherited characteristics from both parents. A part of the assignment required us to list the characteristics we liked & didn't like about ourselves and link them to each of our parents. The more I worked on it, the more I realized that just about every characteristic I liked about myself were things that had always irritated me about my mother.For example, my mother has the ability to adapt to ANY situation. She's very outgoing and naturally friendly. I remember being annoyed everytime I went somewhere with her b/c she could strike up a convo with just about anyone and end up in these long ass conversations where the person was telling her all their business. She wasn't a stranger to sharing her business either. I can never forget the many times she popped me in my mouth for giving her nasty looks as we stood in the cashier line as she shared way too much information. "I gotta get these children something to eat. They walking around here looking pitiful like they aint ate all week" Meanwhile, I'm standing there thinking to myself 'she didnt ask u all that just pay her so we can get the hell out of here'

As I've gotten older, I've been able to really appreciate and acknowledge her for the wonderful job she's done with raising my siblings and I. Don't get me wrong I came up in a 2 parent home. I'm the second of 7 children (5 boys & 2 girls) from the same momma and daddy. My parents got married when they were 17 & 18 years old. In fact, they got married on my father's birthday. Basically at my age they had a full family (or congregation as my mother so often referred to us as). I can't imagine having 1 damn child at this age god forbid trying to manage 7 but she did it. Let me add she did a DAMN good job of it. Sometimes I think 2 good of a job because after my baby brother child turned 18, she nearly lost her mind. I remember her saying "All I know how to do is be a mother and a wife...what am I going to do now?" My answer is and has always been LIVE!

  My mom has this phenomenal ability to treat each of us as if we are her only child. People ask me all the time if I'm an only child and they are always surprised when I tell them how big my family is. Because were so young when they started the family, it was almost like we grew up with them. My mother is very quick to let people know her children are and have always been her world. She had this annoying habit of breaking out family pictures (u know the ones that dont belong outside of the house) at the oddest times and in the strangest places. She took us with her EVERYWHERE she went. We had to line up in height order and wait for her if she was shopping or engaged in one of her long conversations. People always complimented her on how well mannered we were. (of course they didnt know she ruled with an IRON FIST and a thick belt)

She ALWAYS made sure we had everything we needed and nothing more. She was (and still is in some ways) old fashioned with her parenting style. We always had dinner as a family and because we were heavily involved with the church (Sun-2 services, Tues, Friday and choir rehearsal on Saturdays) we had family devotion EVERY night. I still remember getting whippings for falling asleep during devotion or for not having a song prepared. Looking back, she spent a lot of time instilling values in each of us that I carry with me to this day. She also had this fascinating (yet very scary) prophetic sense that is so deep yet ridiculously accurate that we encourage her all the time to invest in a phone line and make some real money..lol.. she attributes it to this statement that she so often reminds my siblings and I of "just because they cut the imbilical cord doesnt mean they cut the bond' SHE ALWAYS KNOWS WHEN SOMETHING IS WRONG WHETHER IM IN CHICAGO OR HOUSTON! That has always completely blown my mind.

I'll be in the middle of some serious shit over a thousand miles away and she'll randomly call and ask what's going on. At times when I avoid the call, she'll leave a message telling me either exactly whats going on with me or she'll say I know something is going on right now and u dont want to talk about it right now but just know that I'm praying for you. She's always been like my best friend/mother who I could tell just about anything to. We've had our issues like any mother and son but through it all, she's been right there in my corner encouraging me to pursue my dreams. When I didnt think I had a friend, she's always been there whether in person or spirit assuring me that I can do whatever I put my mind to. Even when she doesnt agree with my choices, she supports me and allows me to learn for myself.

She has a natural warm spirit that draws you into her presence. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS WHO'VE MET HER IMMEDIATELY FALL IN LOVE WITH HER! She's just that kind of person and I love her with every fiber of my being. She always talks about how proud she is of me but right now PROUD isnt a big enough word to explain how I feel about her. A little over a year ago, she and my father separated and she left Chicago and began a brand new life in St. Paul, Minnesota (I know eww for Minnesota) but she is happier than I've ever seen her throughout my whole life. She has her own apartment and has adjusted very well to the city. She has good & bad days like any woman who spent 32 years of her life with the same person but the most important piece is she is happy and growing stronger by the day.

Diane Shirley Brown always encourages others not to wait until people die to give them their roses. Mom, I'm taking your advice and honoring you with this small token of my appreciation for always inspiring me to be bigger by being the brilliant, amazing and phenomenal beam of sunshine that I'm honored to call my mother. THANK YOU MOM AND ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS AND I LOVE YOU!!!

Guess Who's Back!!!!

I know its been a minute and I've been saying im coming back to blogland for over a year but I can honestly say im ready to come back. As you can see we've MOVED to a new location (that i'm loving much better than blogger) Please bare with me as I try to make the page look pretty :) I'm also moving some of my (and yours) favorite posts from the other page. For the people who are new to my page, I encourage you to read through some of my old post which will give a pretty good idea of who I am and what I'm about. If you were a regular reader of the other page, welcome back! During my absence, I noticed a LOT of new blogs have popped up. Many of them are pretty interesting while more of them are not (which is simply my opinion) I'm looking very forward to reconnecting with my blogland community and sharing my life/experiences on a whole new level. Needless to say a WHOLE BUNCH OF SHIT has happened in my life since I stopped blogging regularly so I have a LOT to catch you up on. Trust me ALL will be revealed as I plan to share the good, bad and ugly..lol..I wanna thank each of you who've checked on me via email or phone. Your love has definitely been a source of inspiration and I really appreciate it. A special shoutout to Derrick L. Briggs who is definitely doin the damn thing with his bookclub. I had the opportunity to attend his last discussion a couple of weeks ago & I must say I was pleasantly surprise and more importantly very impressed. Despite the multitude of HATE thrown in Derricks direction, he's managed to rise above it while continuing to grow and make a difference which is definitely more than I can say about the majority of his haters. The discussion was enlightening, engaging and at times erotic :) The eye candy was delicious and the location was perfect. Keep up the good work Derrick! I also definitely gotta shoutout my new stepson Marcus aka Marz..I'm back baby...and last but not least Antar aka No4Real4Real, I havent 4got about u nigga..call me..Ok now that I've gotten through the warm fuzzy stuff, I need to get back to making this page look pretty....

5 Powerful Insights That Keep Me Sane

People always ask me how i keep my perspective on life even in the midst of chaos and most of the times i can't explain it. i've gone through some seriously scary shit throughout my 28 years on this earth but one thing that has always kept me grounded is the solid foundation started by my parents and the clear understanding that there is a higher power who dictates how things work in my life. additionally, i rely on a few powerful insights i've learned throughout the years that remain consistent anchors in my journey.

1. No matter what you do, you cannot control peoples thoughts or feelings. I hear people say all the time, "she's gonna think this if i do that or he's gonna think that if i say this" When you wrap your brain around the fact that you can't control what people are gonna think, then you stop living your life based on other people. I live my life without regard to other peoples thoughts and feelings. although it's a process that sometimes yields some challenging results, i can honestly say that overall it has worked to my benefit.

2. Sharing yourself and your experiences with others frees up the space for others the share themselves and their experiences with you. People ask me all the time why i don't mind sharing my life with other people. In fact, there have been times where i've shared too much and ended up wondering if i made the other person feel uncomfortable. What i've learned is that each time i share myself, people find strength within themselves to address things that they might not have had i not shared. the key to this as well as most of the insights is to detach from the results. NO EXPECTATIONS! Anytime i share i dont expect the person to say anything or feel a certain way.

3. In life every single thing happens for a reason. The key is to first GET the lesson and LEARN from it.
Oprah Winfrey says that god always sends lessons. sometimes the lessons come as little whispers and sometimes they come as thunderstorms because we didn't listen to the whispers. i've grown accustomed to getting the thunderstorm lessons because i have a few control issues and most of the time the whispers don't tell me enough. What i've learned (especially after the last storm) is that is not important for me to know the whole story. I'm taking a new approach and making a consicious effort to to listen to the whisper. I know in the long run this will save me a lot of unnecessary headache.

4. Excuses don't change the fact that whatever has happened actually happened.This one is hard for a lot of people because we love excuses. We love to find reasons to justify why we did't do what we said we were going to do or why something happened that we think shouldnt have. i notice people seem to get angry with me when i stop them in the middle of an excuse and tell them im not interested. I've found that its so much easier to take responsibility for whatever consequences that are associated with not being my word and moving on. People tend to respect me more and the time that could have been used to create an excuse is used to do something that adds to making me the best me i can be.

5. Learning to love Bobby Brown Jr for everything that he is and everything that he isn't makes me a better human being.
I spent so much of my life hating myself and everything about me and i didnt realize that by doing that i was basically cursing god for his creation and lashing out at other folks for seeing this wonderful person he created. I had to learn how to accept me for me because if god wanted me to be different he would have made me different. Yes I'm a unique individual but that's what makes me special. Its the reason people come to me on a daily basis and tell me how much i inspire them to be different. its the reason i say what i feel like saying without regard for others opinions of me. and last but not least, its the reason i'm destined for great success but my creator wouldnt have it any other way. and besides if i cant love me for me, how can i expect anybody else too??

SHAMELESS PLUG

HAVE YOU SENT YOUR RESUME TO MORE THAN 10 COMPANIES IN THE PAST MONTH AND NOT RECEIVED AT LEAST 4 RESPONSES?

HAVE YOU GONE ON MORE THAN ONE INTERVIEW IN THE PAST MONTH AND DIDN'T GET THE JOB AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHY?

ARE YOU CURRENTLY WORKING IN A JOB THAT YOU HATE,(yet you are content b/c it pays the bills) BUT ITS NOT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO BE DOING?

ARE YOU CURRENTLY WORKING BUT FEEL LIKE YOU AREN'T MAKING AS MUCH MONEY AS YOU SHOULD BE?

DO YOU FEEL LIKE ITS TIME TO MAKE A CHANGE CAREER-WISE?

ARE YOU ABOUT TO GRADUATE AND NEED HELP TRANSLATING YOUR COLLEGE ACTIVITIES INTO MARKETABLE SKILLS ON YOUR RESUME?

ARE YOU CURRENTLY WORKING AND INTERESTED IN APPLYING FOR AN INTERNAL POSITION/PROMOTION BUT NEED HELP WITH UPDATING YOUR RESUME TO INCLUDE YOUR CURRENT JOB DUTIES?

Perhaps you should check out my company's website www.brownknowsllc.com to see if we might be able to help you out.

Brown Knows LLC (BK) is a candidate-centric professional services firm. We offer innovative career preparation solutions to a wide range of candidates across the nation. Our unique approach, cutting edge methodology and authentic commitment to empower candidates to take an active role in his/her career is the reason 98% of the candidates who’ve utilized our resume preparation services are now employed.

We specialize in preparing candidates from a broad range of industries (including but not limited to Accounting, Marketing, Finance, Retail, Customer Service, Government, Education and Technology) and various experience levels (0-20+ years) for employment.

PLEASE NOTE: WE ARE NOT A RESUME WRITING SERVICE! Each of our services were designed with the candidate as an active participant in mind. If you’re looking for a service to “do your resume for you”, we probably won’t be the best fit for you.

because im genuinely committed to making a difference and not driven by money, our pricing is very reasonable.please note the pricing on the site is only for a limited time only so i encourage u to take advantage of it.

unlike many other companies, i dont offer guarantees b/c your success is based on you and your commitment level. what i can and will assure u of is that u will get value from utilizing our services which are designed to help u in your career and who knows it might change your life......sooo check it out and pass the info along to anyone else u think it might be useful for.

Stay tuned for some very EXCITING Brown Knows company news regarding some MAJOR enhancements to the services and an annoucement about my newest business partner.

My Baby Momma

anybody who knows me is already aware of this but for those of u who don't, let me take a minute to catch u up. Our relationship started back in 1998, i was living in houston, tx and i remember seeing her for the first time on BET. She's the lead singer in a girl group. (destiny's child..more on them in a future post...stay tuned) The group was performing there first single "No, No, No" and i was IMMEDIATELY attracted to her voice. I'm a self professed music fanatic and i have a special appreciation for REAL singers. Not only did she have pipes but she was FINE ASS HELL. I mean u jus dont see girls with natural beauty and a ghetto booty at the same time. anyway i digress... back to Beyonce (damn jus sayin that name send tingles through me)..i wasnt crazy about the song but i knew i was crazy about her. i started reading everything written about the group and i've followed her career ever since. i've been with her through the breakups, lawsuits, movies etc.

ill never forget the first time i saw her in person. i've always wondered why people cry at concerts or when they saw there favorite celebrities but i know now. i was on the phone with david (my pledge dad) walking down 5th ave (i think) i saw this beautiful girl walking out of the Gucci store with this BIG dude and another girl. she didnt have on any makeup and her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. i told david "this girl looks just like beyonce...oh my god it's her" i started hypervenilating and could hardly breath. no words came out i just pointed. she saw me and started laughing and waving. i'll never forget that moment. EVER!

one of the major things that facinates me about her is the fact that she raw yet absoluting AMAZING natural talent. she writes her own material and her voice is simply FUCKING FANTASTIC! the other unique quality about her that puts her in a completely different catagory that her counterparts is her humble spirit. from the beginning, she has always been HUMBLE. in every interview, she's gracious, modest and most of all grateful. it's always been clear to me that she LOVES what she's doing. her work ethic inspires me because she's worked so hard (from the beginning) and her efforts are finally paying off.

people have hated on her from the start. i've gotten into HEATED debates with people about her defending her as if we are close friends. the ONLY i've ever agreed with the haters on is her acting ability. She is definitely in need of about 10 more acting classes before she can be solidified a bonafide actress. i was heartbroken when i found out she was dating Jay-Z. but the more i thought about it, the more it made sense. Good girls like bad boys! and at least he's on top of his game and can take care of her.

I can't wait till see her in about 5 years after she's had a baby or 2 and lived a little. the world won't be ready because she hasnt even scratched the surface of her potential. maybe one day she'll realize we have a child together and start paying some goddamn child support....

You Are To Blame For Your Success or Failure

I found this article while doing research and developing my Interviewing Workshop. I thought it was so powerful that it is now a part of the participant guide for candidates who attend my workshop. I'm currently preparing for a workshop I'm scheduled to do at a university in NY on Monday and as I reviewed it again, i thought it would be useful for some of you so here it is. Read it carefully and enjoy!

You Are to Blame for Your Success or Failure (courtesy of careerbuilder.com)

Unless you've been under a rock for the past decade or so, you've heard of the inspirational Chicken Soup for the Soul book series, co-authored by Jack Canfield. In his new book, The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, Canfield gives us the secrets to success in all forms of life, including achieving the highest goals possible in your career.

"If you want to be successful, you have to take 100 percent responsibility for everything that you experience in your life," Canfield writes. "This includes the level of your achievements, the results you produce, the quality of your relationships ... everything!"

You must be brutally honest to get the results you want. This means giving yourself a huge reality check. While it might be a bitter pill to swallow, the outcome will be the results you've been searching for. Here are Canfield's fundamentals of success on the job ... and in life

Take 100 percent responsibility for everything.
The fundamental principle of success is taking 100 percent responsibility for your life. One of the most pervasive myths in our culture today is that you are entitled to a great life – that somehow, somewhere, someone is responsible for filling our lives with continual happiness, exciting career options, nurturing family time and blissful personal relationships, simply because we exist. But the truth is there is only one person responsible for the quality of life you live. That person is you.

You have to give up all your excuses, blaming and complaining.
We are conditioned to blame and never want to look at the real problem, ourselves. To be successful, one must give up blaming and complaining. Forget the victim stories, the reasons you can't and your blaming of outside circumstances. Instead ask "How did I create that?" "What did I say or not say?" and "What do I need to do differently next time to get the result I want?"

If you don't like your outcomes, change your responses.
If you keep on doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting the responses you've always gotten. For example, if you send out the same résumé and cover letter to job openings without any response, you should revise them or examine how the jobs you are applying to match up with your skills. If you want something different, you'll have to do something different.

Everything you experience today is the result of choices you have made in the past.
Every experience in your life is the result of how you responded to a previous situation. You have control over three things in your life – your thoughts, images you visualize and your actions. How you use these determines your experiences.

You either create or allow everything that happens to you.
You might disagree with this statement, but Canfield explains, "By create, I mean that you directly cause something to happen by your actions or inactions." For example, you didn't attend any sales or motivational seminars and now the new kid has won a sales award.

HELL NO!! I'm NOT TURNING DOWN MY LIGHT 4 U

DISCLAIMER: This post is dedicated to what Kanye West calls 'The Dreamkillers' or what i call HATERS. We all have them (some more than others) and i've accepted the reality that they aint going away anytime soon. I've also learned how NOT to allow them to steal my joy or make me turn down the light that shines within me. Warning-this piece contains a few bad words :) (after all we are talkin to the haters)

WHAT??? u want me to turn down my light for you? why b/c the brightness reminds u of how much u don't like yourself or b/c it makes you uncomfortable to be around somebody who does. i know u are intimidated by my honesty b/c u surround yourself with people (your so called friends and sometimes family) who support your drama by constantly lying to you b/c they are afraid to hurt your feelings. I've heard you say "he's too much" and "he thinks he's all that" when referring to me and you know what I FULLY AGREE! I am too much in fact I'm more than too much I'M MUCH MORE! and since when did they start giving our mind reading degrees? (please share the knowledge cuz i need to get me one of those) You can't tell me what i THINK until you've been in my head but for the record, I DO THINK I'M ALL THAT b/c if I didn't WHO WOULD? (i know i cant count on u for that) i can't help the fact that my light shines bright where ever i go and people notice it. the thing you fail to understand is THAT IS NOT MY ISSUE! I DON'T CARE if people notice it, are uncomfortable with it, don't like it, etc. THAT'S THEIR PROBLEM & THEIR WORK TO DO...i'm ok with me and besides i'm working with a GIFT given to me by my creator and it FORCES me to shine. I'm not scared and will NEVER be afraid of you b/c he ALWAYS has my back and he ALWAYS takes care of me. so do me a favor, stop hating and start trying to figure out how u can turn up your light instead of letting other people keep it dim. stop hating and maybe you can actually digest some of the positive energy it gives off that you've missed b/c of your hate, stop trying to engage others in your hate b/c they see something you don't and while yes you will find a few others like yourself with dim lights, you are gonna run into many more people with lights that are bright (sometimes brighter than mine!)in case you hadn't noticed, i'm not going anywhere and to answer your question, HELL NO! I'm NOT TURNING DOWN MY LIGHT FOR YOU! Last but certainly not least, i have a motto by which i live my life and I want to share it with you to help you better understand how to relate to me going forward. My motto is "LIKE ME OR LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" Good luck on your journey to find peace....

Forgiveness For Freedom: How I Learned 2 Love The Dad I HATED For 22 Years

Before 1999, if you would have asked me about the man who planted my seed into my mother and gave me his name, I probably would have immediately frowned and said 'I don’t have a father, he died after he came inside my mother.' Yea I know, that's how much I hated him. In fact, for as far back as I can remember, I never really liked him because I always felt like I never measured up to what I thought were his outrageous standards. I always felt like we were complete opposites who didn't have the bond I imagined fathers and sons should have. For example, he liked sports and I didn't, he never displayed emotions and I wore my emotions on my sleeve, he has ALWAYS been the most masculine man I know and has always DESPISED any hint of femininity in men, I've always struggled with a few slight feminine traits that have been with me for as long as I can remember. The first time ever I heard him say 'If any one of my son's ever turned out to be gay, I will break a broom across his back.' I was six years old. As the years passed, that phrase became one of his signature statements that plagued my life for more than 20 years. As I've shared many times before, I was raised in a VERY strict religious household. I've always been different. For most of my childhood and teen years being different was a constant source of frustration and heartache to my already complicated life. I couldn't understand why I NEVER fit into the typical social circles, cliques, the popular crews etc regardless to how hard I tried. Although I'm sure attending one of Chicago's premier performing arts/college prep high schools with a bunch of trust fund babies while living in the ghetto didn't help my issues. I blamed my father for being more concerned with working damn near 7 days a week than spending quality time with our family as I imagined every other father was doing. I blamed him for not paying enough attention to the son he decided to give his name. Around the age of 8, I became an overachiever and got involved every activity I could. I thought by excelling in school, he'd be forced to look past me being different and be proud of my accomplishments. I desperately wanted him to realize he hadn't made a mistake by giving me his name even though I'd already convinced myself he had. To my surprise, my plan didn't work. When I got the lead in school plays, he never showed up to see me. When I won numerous awards for leadership and various national speech contests, he never came to cheer me on. When I got accepted into the highly competitive theatre program of my first choice high school, his response was "I hope you don't think you going to that school especially since it's on the north side. Aint nothing on the north side but white people and faggots."(btw I went anyway thanx to my mother) As I moved into my teen years, the hatred and bitterness for him grew more. Since my previous plan to get his attention didn't work, I set my mind on making more money than him and doing better (academically & financially) than anybody else in my immediate family (especially him). This time I was sure he would get it because I would be so successful, there would be no way for him NOT to get it. In order to definitely make the plan work without distractions from the major dysfunction at home I'd grown accustomed to, I decided to leave a few months shy of my 16th birthday. (there were a few other factors I wont address in this post that were a part of this decision including a month long stay at a mental institution initiated by my parents, a humiliating meeting with ALL of the ministers from my parents church and an old fashion beat down by good old dad himself) Little did I know that decision would change the trajectory of my life and despite a multitude of accomplishments including achieving the major goal (making more money than him) I was so sure would finally force him to get it, he didn't and I remained unhappy and unfulfilled. I tried writing a letter to him with a list of all of my accomplishments and more importantly my TRUE feelings about him and our relationship (or lack thereof). I intentionally mailed it a few days before father's day to ensure he got it on or shortly after the day I’d grown to hate with every fiber of my being. As I reflect back to how I was feeling when I wrote the letter, I should have known it wouldn’t produce the results I was hoping for because it came from a place of anger, blame and hate. While I'm not able to recall everything I wrote, I do remember ending the letter with 'I would be lying if I wished you a Happy Father's Day because you have/will NEVER understand what it means to be a Father' A few days later, I got a call from my mother (who was very upset) . She said 'Bobby I don't know what you put in that letter but it really messed your father up. He hasn't been right since he got it. He's not eating or sleeping and I'm really worried about him' Although I really wanted to be happy about the fact that it affected him, my conscious wouldn't let me because I knew things wouldn't change. A few more years passed and our relationship (or lack thereof) remained the same. At this point, I started noticing something about my life that shook the core of my foundation. I was stuck in vicious cycle that was causing me to make the same mistakes over and over again. Each time I thought my life was finally working well, something fucked up would happen and I'd have to start all over again. On top of that, I was addicted to being busy which caused me to get involved in a bunch of different activities to occupy my time when the reality was I wasn’t doing ANY of them well. I realized it was time to figure out what I was running from. I knew the ONLY way I'd be able to really see what was going on, I would have to force myself to sit down and spend some serious time examining the role I'd played in why my life wasn't working.(specifically some of the decisions I'd made) Now don't get me wrong, I'd been down this road before. I knew exactly what I needed to do but honestly I was scared as hell at the very thought of looking at some of the ugly shit from my past that I'd tried (unsuccessfully of course) to push out of my mind so I could move on with my life. It was so much easier to blame my dad and fucked up childhood for why my life was a mess. I'd also tried EVERYTHING to try to fix myself!! Therapy…Didn't work for me, Church….I had major issues with church after being molested by several members of the church I was raised in. I also blamed the church for playing a MAJOR part in destroying my family so seeking help from any CHURCH or anything church related wasn't an option. My LAST option turned out to be exactly what I needed to help me work through my shit. I actually blogged about how that experience COMPLETELY changed my life and helped me forgive my father NOT for him but for myself. Check out THIS POST for more on that. I wanted to share my story with anybody who is carrying ANY bitterness, hatred or anger towards your family (specifically your immediate family) I know how it feels to be so hurt by things your OWN DAMN family members (including your parents) did to you that you have NO DESIRE to even be in their presence. After some of the fucked up shit my father did to me, I honestly believed without a shadow of a doubt that there was absolutely NO WAY in hell I could ever forgive him and forget about establishing any kind of relationship with him. That was COMPLETELY out of the question. I convinced myself that I would NEVER give him the opportunity to hurt me again. In fact, for about 10 years I only spoke to him if he answered the phone when I called my mom. I never shared ANYTHING about my life and was sometimes downright nasty to him when he’d answer the phone. The hardest pill for me to swallow became one of the biggest lessons I learned in life. WHEN ITS ALL SAID AND DONE IT WOULDNT MATTER HOW HARD I WORKED TO BE SUCCESSFUL, I'D NEVER BE COMPLETELY HAPPY AND FREE UNTIL I COMPLETELY FORGAVE HIM AND FREED MYSELF OF THE HEAVY NEGATIVE WEIGHT ASSOCIATED THOSE FEELINGS (whether I chose to see, acknowledge and deal with them) Believe it or not that realization was not enough for me to do anything to fix it. A small yet very significant realization inspired me to take the first step. UNDERSTANDING and FULLY ACCEPTING the fact that forgiving him was not about him or for him. It was ALL ABOUT ME!! Forgiving him didn't mean I would have to establish a relationship. I also didn't need to forget what he did to me to forgive him. He didn't have to acknowledge what he did or apologize to me b/c the reality is HE KNOW’S VERY WELL WHAT HE DID and that is HIS WORK TO DO! It has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! I will NEVER be able to explain in words the feeling I experienced after I forgave him without ANY attachments or expectation. It was an out of body, once in a lifetime experience that I'll NEVER forget and I can honestly say my life hasn't been the same since. I'm happy to report that while we damn sure aint the best of friends, I have a pretty decent relationship with my dad. It's not perfect but life isn't so we’re doing ok. Without a doubt, I know I'm a better person and my life is significantly different (in a great way) as a result forgiving him. The fact that I’m in a wonderful, healthy relationship with the love of my life and experiencing REAL LOVE for the first time in my life is a clear example of what's possible if you allow yourself to take the risk of letting go of your past to create the space for a future of limitless possibilities. HELL NAW IT AINT EASY AND HELL YEA IT TAKES TIME but this is your life and your future we’re talking about here…YOU ARE WORTH IT!! Trust me on this one. Now in case you hadn't notice from the pictures, I couldn't deny him as my father if I tried. I'm finally at a point in my life where I can acknowledge and accept some of great positive traits/characteristics I've inherited from him that have contributed to the fabric of my being thus far. Since I actually have 4 different dads (more on that later) I thought I'd share 4 positive traits/ characteristics I inherited from Bobby Brown Sr. that I'm grateful for.

4 Positive Traits/Characteristics I Inherited From Bobby Brown Sr.I. Self-Confidence (often mistaken for arrogance) & Fantastic Genes

Despite the fact my dad celebrated his 50th birthday this year, he is in EXCELLENT shape (he works out at least 3 times a week) He doesn’t look his age AT ALL and can easily pass for mid-30s. One of the things I've always admired about him is how effortless he displays confidence. It's definitely a gift he carries in his bowlegged stride wherever he goes.

II. Amazing Work Ethic

Throughout my life, I've NEVER witnessed my father out of work and I can still count on both hands the number of times he's called in sick. He's always done a DAMN good job taking care of our family of 9 (7 children and my mom). There were times he worked 2 jobs seven days a week just to make sure our needs were met. Not only that, he is a HARD worker who doesn't mind rolling up his sleeves and getting dirty to get the job done. I'm always amazed when I think about the fact that at my age, he was taking care of a family. This is definitely the trait I’m the most grateful for inheriting b/c it has taken me very far.

III. The Razor Sharp Tongue (that refuses to be held more often than not)

This is one of several traits I inherited from my mom & dad. I've personally witnessed (and been on the receiving end) of them in action (separately & together) and I'm still hoping one day I'll be as good as them. They have two very different yet highly effective styles/approaches that yield some interesting (sometimes very ugly) results. My mother is very outgoing, talkative and definitely has the 'gift of gab' which she uses to her benefit. I can't tell you how many times I've watched or heard my mother let somebody have it with a big smile on her face and in the friendliest tone. If you don't believe me, ask Rodney or Dizyaboy. Please understand that even though I've invested a LOT of time and energy into developing my verbal communication skills (aka my tongue) I've learned (the hard way of course) NOT TO TEST HER (especially in public or in the presence of company) My dad's style/approach is and has always been very SHORT, DIRECT and UNFILTERED delivery without regard to feelings. You'll always know exactly what he thinks or how he feels about things (especially if he doesn't agree with you or has a reason to believe you might be wrong) His personality is the complete opposite of my mother. HE IS NOT OUTGOING, TALKATIVE or FRIENDLY. In fact, my siblings and I think he is SHADY AS HELL. He is the master of 'looking through' people. (another trait I inherited) He won’t speak to you if you've not spoken first. . However, if you happen to capture his attention long enough to engage in a conversation, you should be ready to hear the truth without the warm fuzzies. During a conversation with him a few weeks ago, he said 'I really don’t like being around people. I believe I could exist on this planet by myself and be ok' GOTTA LOVE IT! As you can probably imagine, disagreements/arguments between my parents tend to be a lengthy word battles I’m pretty sure this trait was already in motion by the time I came out my mother's wound. She once told me "from the time you started talking, that mouth has been something else" I remember the warning she'd say (so much I’m hearing her voice right now) "Bobby, that mouth is gonna get you in trouble when you get older" Of my 6 siblings, I was the one who would continue to ask questions after whippings/beatings/punishments. I can't tell you how many additional smacks/beatings/punishments I got as a result of talking back. I was the one in church who took pleasure in giving the ushers HELL! (ex: During service, when the ushers passed out paper to dispose of gum, I'd either ignore them and keep chewing or hold the paper in the air with a sarcastic 'what is this for' look. (again ask Dizyaboy if you don’t believe me) Believe it or not I can honestly say that while my tongue has definitely gotten me into some "uncomfortable" situations, overall it has worked VERY well for me. Of course when you throw in 10 years of training via my professional career in Human Resources while experiencing life, making mistakes and learning lessons, I think I've turned out ok thanks to a solid foundation which includes a sharp tongue from both of my parents. FYI: I spent a significant amount of time debating with myself trying to figure out how to articulate the fourth (and last) positive trait I inheritated without being too vulgar or revealing too much information about myself (and my dad for that matter) The more I thought about it, the more I realized the best way to say it is to just say it. (kinda like my daddy) so here it goes.

IV. A very special (larger than average) "gift" that has and continues to afford me (and the chosen few who've been invited to engage) with a very active, pleasurable and extremely satisfying sex life.

I won't expound on this one b/c the statement says it all. If you're wondering how I know I inherited this trait from my dad consider the fact that I have 6 other siblings. Four of the seven (including 3 of my 5 brothers) already have more than one child. Need I say more?

Remembering Your Spirit & Exercising Your Mind

One of my mentors told me something about 6 years ago that changed the way i live my life. He said "People spend WAY too much time, energy and money working on their body (via working out, diet, surgery etc) and not enough time, energy and money working on there mind & spirit" Everybody (myself included) is so damn busy that we sometimes dont realize the importance of nurturing our spirit with goodness and exercising this muscle called the mind. I'm not referring to the spirituality craze the media led us to believe was the new phenom, i'm talking about therapy, church, meditation, personal development seminars, self-help books (that have some substance) and for some people like me Kaballah.

Now b4 u allow your mind to wonder away from the topic based on the name Kaballah alone, i encourage you to at least stay with me until i get to my point. Many minorities (especially african americans) have issues with going to therapy (for reasons that can definitely take up another post) and therefore choose to use church as the SOLE source of exercise for their mind & spirit. But what about people like me who were raised (and sexually abused) in church which altered my view of not only church but religion overall? what about people who've tried religion (in it's various forms) and realized its not something that works for them? I could go on and on with different scenarios but ill stop there and ask ARE WE ALL EVIL SINNERS BOUND FOR HELL? HAVE WE NO OPTIONS BUT TO CONTINUE LIVING DAY AFTER DAY HOPING ITS NOT OUR TURN TO JOIN SATAN IN OUR PREDESTINED HOME DOWN BELOW?

Ok im being sarcastic but its hard not to when we have a president that hasnt learned the difference between church & state and i digress...anyway my point is I've learned not to rely on ONE source to keep my mind and spirit healthy. Since as a human being, I'm constantly learning, growing and ultimately changing, I'm always looking for different vehicles/routines to assist with keeping both my mind and spirit strong and positive. One of the things that has worked tremendously for me is Kaballah. NO I havent spent ANY money on the courses (yet but i plan to). About a year ago, I attended a free kaballah lecture in NY (thanx to a STRONG recommendation from my best friend Abby) and found the information shared to be quite useful. I was surprised to learn its NOT a religion! (hmm too bad that not how the media portrays it) I like to explain it as practical technology designed to help you be the best you and live the life you've been given with fulfillment and joy by taking full responsibility for yourself and actions.

As a self professed "on and off again skeptic" I wasnt convinced enough by the lecture to pay money to enroll in one of the courses. However, I did sign up to receive a FREE Weekly Consciousness Tune-Up via email. (basically each week the consciousness Tune-Up presents an issue/belief/habit etc that could be causing chaos/negative karma in your life. It also offers practical solutions to help you either eliminate, change or embrace it.) i know that wasnt the best explanation but maybe it will be more clear after you read an example of what i'm referring to. What I know for sure is that signing up for the consciousness Tune-Up has become one of the BEST decisions i've made in my life. Not only have they helped me gain clarity around how every single one of my actions and how i live my life every day affect the amount of fulfillment and joy i receive but they've taught me a valuable lesson about taking FULL responsibility for my self and how to create the life I want. I'll never forget the title of my first tune-up 'The World Remains The Same' (I've posted a few brief excerpts from that tune-up that will hopefully help u understand why my life hasnt been the same since I started getting them each week).

The most amazing (yet very bizarre) thing about it is that each week the topic speaks ALMOST EXACTLY to where I am. (im referring to my mind and spirit) I've decided to put my own spin on the idea and offer Bobby's Weekly consciousness Tune-Up's to my blog visitors. NO I will not use the information from the Kaballah Tune-Up's. Each tune-up will be practical and hopefully useful to you. I'll also provide a song (with a portion of the lyrics) that will be correlated to the tune-up. (obviously listening to song is not a requirement but a request so make your decision accordingly)

THE DISCLAIMER - THROUGHOUT THIS POST I'VE OFFERED MY OPINION ABOUT A VARIETY OF TOPICS (including religion) PLEASE REMEMBER THAT MY OPINION IS JUST THAT...MY SINGLE OPINION & I'M ENTITLED TO IT. I'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR COMMENTARY ABOUT WHY U DISAGREE WITH ME OR WHY I SHOULD CHANGE IT. I DON'T PROFESS TO HAVE ALL THE RIGHT ANSWERS AND I'M NOT COMMITTED TO BEING RIGHT. I DO BELIEVE PEOPLE SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE ALTERNATIVE TOOLS 2 NAVIGATE THROUGH THIS THING CALLED LIFE. IF WHAT YOU ARE DOIN ISN'T WORKIN, I ENCOURAGE YOU TO TRY USING THE MANY TOOLS I'LL OFFER. IF THEY WORK FOR YOU KEEP THEM AND CONSIDER IT A GIFT! IF THEY DON'T WORK FOR YOU THEN BY ALL MEANS DON'T USE THEM! I WONT BE OFFENDED EITHER WAY B/C IM NOT ATTACHED.

As I've said many times throughout this blog I'm committed to using my life and experiences to make a difference. By doing this (the tune-up thing), I'm honoring my part of the agreement I made with the creator. (or god or higher power) I've learned to follow his instructions and he takes care of me so I probally wont know from week to week what the tune-up is until he reveals it to me. Thank you creator for using me as a vessel to share your message.

Kaballah Weekly consciousness Tune-Up Excerpt - Title: The World Remains The Same

Brief Excerpt: The energy this week is all about defying gravity, pushing ourselves to reach for more, to open our sixth sense, to see things we donÂ’t normally perceive. In addition, there are two powerful lessons to embrace this week. The first is our tendency to look only at the bad.

We all do it, right? Think about it - if you saw a bad movie, or had terrible service in a restaurant, or someone did something to you that you didn't like, how many people would you tell? Research shows you'd tell about 35 people. But good news? This is usually spread to far fewer people. It's human nature to be attracted to the bad things. When someone tells you everything is good with them, you say, "That’s nice, I’m happy for you." But if someone tells you something bad, you say, "Really?? Tell me more!!" The thing for you to realize is that whenever you hear about something good, it is being told to you for a reason. The Light is waking you up to new possibilities. Instead of thinking,, ‘Oh, I can never have that or succeed at that,’ try imagining that you are hearing it for a good reason.

Allow yourself to be attracted to the good this week. And don’t just listen, but go check things out. If someone recommends a new exercise or book, look into it. There just might be something in there to help you change your nature.