Being Bobby Brown Jr.

From the BBBJr Archives ~ Alpha Phi Alpha - Addressing The "Gay" Controversy Part I

Originally posted 9/11/05

 

David, Me & Jamal

ok i have to start by saying that yes I am a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc. I crossed those hot ass burning sands on April 21st of 2001 at 4:33:30 am. I was #4 on a line of 5 brothers who remain some of my closest friends. I'm extremely proud of my undergraduate experience as a member of the Notorious Nu Rho Chapter. I've been VERY active with the fraternity serving in various roles on the chapter, district and regional levels. I've recieved many awards for my service including The Depaul University Multicultural Greek Council's distinguished Man of the Year award. My dean/pledge father David Blake and my two pledge sons Jamal are my closest friends. In fact, I recently offered David a percentage of ownership in my company so yea this ALPHA thing is very serious to me. a lot of people have said "i cant see you pledging in a fraternity" and my response is usually "neither did i" i almost didnt think i would after my initial interaction with the chapter.I'll never forget it Oct. 22, 2000 i went to a neophyte party for a new brother in the chapter. i introduced myself to David (he was the chapter president at the time) we had a conversation about my interest in joinin the chapter and he said something that immediately irritated me. he said "u just want to be in my fraternity for what it can give you" i abruptly cut him off and said "Actually I'm going to be successful whether or not i'm a member of your fraternity or not however i'd like to have it as a part of my success and that is why im here" he gave me an odd yet stern look and walked away. the rest of the story is not important to this entry jus know that i later learned that my comment is one of the reason i'm an alpha today.

i provided that background info to help u understand why i have some credibility on the topic. i'm a member of the Alpha East Listserv which is a yahoogroup for brothers to exchange information and basically stay in the loop on alpha happenings on the east coast. overall i've always found it to be useful and quite informative until a few months ago when an email chain started with the subject line of "Homosexuals In Alpha". I was immediately annoyed because the black community has so many other serious pressing issues to be concerned with than Homosexuality. Still i decided to read what was being discussed with the hopes that someone would shut the conversation down. Day after day more brothers joined the dialogue postin homophobic ignorant messages like "how can a gay brother mentor a young male on relationships?" and "we need to figure out how to ban gays from joining the fraternity" come on really? after about a week of this madness i posted to the following message to the listserv

 

Brothers,

After reading the emails related to this topic overthe last couple of days, I really struggled with whether or not I should address the topic or keep my thoughts to myself. However the more I read the more I'm troubled and therefore feel compelled to share my thoughts. First of all I completely agree with the last post (the brother who spoke about discrimination). I'm also finding it difficult to understand how a brothers sexuality has any relevance to his ability to not only be a good alpha but a damn good brother. My experience as a brother in this fraternity has shown me that being heterosexual is definitly NOT an indicator of a whether or not a brother is going to be a good alpha who is commited to our fraternity and the principles we were founded on. In fact, the following quote which came from the book"Black Greek 101" written by Dr.Walter Kimbrough (who happens to be a well respected Alpha) contradicts most of the arguments presented in this dialogue. In Chapter 6 (The Future of Black Greek Life), he states"My personal observations from my own fraternity conventions, to attendance at National Pan-Hellenic Council meetings, clearly show me numerous homosexual members who seem to be the backbone of organizations, ironically built on traditional sexual roles."

It is my sincere belief that one of the reasons we aren't progressing as an organization is based on the fact that the criteria or "standards" some of us are using to select new members is flawed, and ineffective especially if we're using a brothers sexuality as a significant factor. Having spent more than 8 years in Human Resources including several years in recruiting, I happen to know a little bit about this subject matter. Unfortunatly, society and many of our churches have taught us that being a homosexual is wrong and individuals who happen to be gay should be treated differently. The reality is sexual preference is just that a sexual preference. I understand that this factmight be difficult for some of you to accept because of what you've allowed yourself to believe about the topic. But I'd like to challenge you to look at the big picture as it relates to this fraternity and the topic of homosexuality. Consider the possibility that being gay is only one aspect of a persons total being.It doesnt necessarily define him/her and definitly doesnt determine whether or not he/she is a good person who could and probaly would perform a task as hard if not harder than you. How does that relate to Alpha you might ask? Well being a good alpha based on what i've learned involves many things including but not limited to paying dues, remaining active, performing manly deeds, and using your life to make adifference. I find it pretty sad that many of the brothers who initiate discussions such as this one that take us off the course of doing the work of Alpha, tend not to be active (both physically and financially) and are therefore not contributing to making things better within the frat. Please understand that I'm not saying we should completely ignore sexual preference because it is important factor but it shouldnt be a major factor in the selection process. Quite honestly, I would rather have a gay brother who is gonna roll up his sleeves and do the work of Alpha without the bullshit than to have a straight brother who proudly wears his paraphenia but doesnt attend chapter meetings, doesnt participate int he planning of chapter activities and makes excuses why he cant do the work. At this point, we have enought-shirt wearers who only show up for intake and who arent interested in being an active contributer to our success. I challenge the brothers especially the Membership Intake Chairmen to really look at your selection process and the criteria you are using to measure an aspirants ability to be a part of this powerful, elite and exclusive fraternity. Brothers its time to take Alpha Phi Alpha to the next level. We have been stagnet for too long and now is the time to make a difference especially since we are moving into our 100th year. As an alpha, I've learned not toconcern myself with other peoples opinion of me. Iknow who I am and that's really all that matters at the end of the day. Wrap your brain around the factt hat people are gonna think what they want to think about us (as alphas and as black men) regardless to what we do. Since we cant control people thoughts,lets stop wasting valuable time discussing topics like this that could quite possibly be offensive to a brother who could quite possibly be a chapter president who happens to be gay. Consider the possibility that some of the comments shared throughout this dialogue could be offensive enough for him to stop doing the work of Alpha which would leave a chapter in a pretty bad situation. Im very proud tobe an Alpha and I learned a long time ago that you can only get out of this experience (as an alpha) what you put in. I challenge brothers to start putting in some real work so the world can start reaping the benefits of what this organization is really about.

 

I said earlier that i was hoping a brother would say something to shut the conversation down but i realized sometimes you gotta take things into your own hands. Shoutout to the Notorious Nu Rho Chapter, my line SS H.H.H. Justin, Melvin, Eric & Antione (who just got married! Congrats Ship) my pledge sons Jamal & Aaron and my pledge dad David.

1111119......06

Who Is Bobby Brown Jr.?

  Originally Posted 8/18/05






Last night I realized that its been about a week since i started this page and over 500 people have visited my page thus far. WOW! Thats BIG! I had no idea giving people a little glimse into my world would be so scary yet so overwhelmingly fulfilling. I'm honored and humbled so many people visit each day and send me messages (via email) thanking me and encouraging me to keep it up. I thought to myself "You need to tell the people who don't know u the abbreviated version of your story or a little bit about who you are" I hope by doing this, it will clear the space that has been stopping a few folks from getting my message. You know the space im referring to...the space run by that little voice thats been asking all kinds of questions like who the hell is he? how did he become so well rounded? is he gay, straight or bi? where did he get the balls to quit his job and start a business? is he doin the business full-time or working on the side? and the most popular question...Is he really about to get published? I'll do my best to answer most if not all of the questions but there are a couple i wont even touch because they dont make a significant enough difference in yours or my world. Consider this my one and only attempt at telling you who i am authentically without conditions. if you still have questions after this...well.....work through that and i promise u wont lose any sleep over it. (cuz i won't) i will share this much (b/c it won't be addressed below) throughout my life i have been sexually & physically abused, brutally beaten, robbed, homeless, betrayed, heartbroken, spent a few months in a mental institution, scammed, talked about and mistreated but guess what...IM STILL BREATHING AND STILL I RISE..NEVER TO GIVE UP AND NEVER TO GIVE IN...AGAINST ALL ODDS!!

My birth name is Bobby Brown Jr. (yes i've been tortured about that for as far back as i can remember. In elementary school is was New Edition, in high school it was My Perogative and in college it was "why are u a crackhead" or "why u mess up whitney like that so ive heard it all!) I'm 28 years old and im the second of 7 children (from the same momma and daddy). I was born and raised in Chicago, Illinois on the south side of the city. I've always been both well and out spoken. I was the child that when we got whippings would ask why and wouldnt shut up till i either got another whipping or persuaded by my siblings to shut the hell up. I've always been very active in school activities. (in other words an overachiever) In elementary school i always got the leads in plays and was very popular. I've always been a leader (or as my momma always says BOSSY) If I couldnt be the president of the council, i didnt want to be a part of it.

I was raised in a VERY STRICT religious (not jehovah witness, cogic, penticostal or santified) household which sheltered me from many of the things (tv, sex, etc) other young people experienced. To give you a taste of how strict it was we didnt have a television in my house until i was probaly 13. We were in church Sun, Tues and Friday with choir rehearsal on Sat. My sisters couldnt wear pants and we couldnt wear shorts in the summer time. our church had a piano and organ and we werent allowed to listen to worldly or gospel music. (i know u thinkin thats B-A-N-A-N-A-S) we didnt celebrate christmas but i have to say my dad always made up for it by buying us toys year round and reminding us to consider them as christmas gifts.

my family was very close and we did everything together. my mom didnt work so she was the pta mom and the all up in all of her kids business type of mom. we had family dinner and family devotion EVERY night. we weren't upper middle class by any means but we had exactly what we needed to get by. my mom was a thrift store and hand-me-down fanatic which got on my damn nerve. especially when she would dress my brother (whos dark skinned) and i alike...(like anybody in there right minds would think we were twins)...anyway i digress...so i decided to go to a performing arts/college prep school on the north side of the city against my parents wishes. in there words "aint nothing on the north side but gay people and white folks u dont have no business there" being the stubborn ass that i was, i somehow got an application to the school i wanted to go to, forged there signature, secured an audition appointment, went to the audition and showed my ass and got in to the highly competitive Lincoln Park High School. because i didnt apply to any other schools, when the acceptance letter came, my mom hesistantly agreed to let me go b/c my first cousin (who also got accepted) would be attending.

HIGH SCHOOL

Most of my high school experience is a blur for me for a couple of reasons. First I ended up leaving home at the end of my sophmore year so the last 2 years of hs were spent as a grown ass teenager with a condo and responsiblities. (why i left home is not up for discussion just know that everything happens for a reason and i have been on my own since i left and i have a wonderful relationship with both of my parents) The other reason it's a blur is because I realize that the person i was back then is definitely not the person i am today. i was soooo angry back then and i lashed out at anybody in my presence yet i still managed to be one of the most popular people at my school. my name had a lot to do with that especially since i decided to run against a jr and 2 seniors my freshmen year for the highest ranking elected position at our school. i think back and wonder what the hell was i thinkin running for the most powerful position a student could hold at that young age. the crazy part about it is that i won. yep i became the first black local school council student rep at lincoln park high school. i stayed in that position until my senior year. dont ask me how i managed that at 15 cuz i couldnt tell u.

After High School

Desperate to move out of Chicago yet not ready to go to school i moved to Milwaukee, WI (eww i know milwaukee) i got my first real job as a Receptionist in the HR Consulting division of a Fortune 500 accounting firm. (i dont list the names of my former employers b/c ive written a book about my experience in HR and i have to protect my ass and assets :) Anyway i was immediatly intrigued by HR and knew very early on that would be the area my career would be focused on. i left the accounting firm and went away to a HSBU because i felt like i missed out on the "black" experience by attending a predomintley white (trust fund baby) school. The 1 year i spent at shaw university in north carolina was an interesting and very challenging learning experience. so i left shaw and moved to Houston, TX to attend the University of Houston. while at shaw, i secured a 6 month internship with Walt Disney World in Orlando so shortly after i moved to houston, i left for florida for what has become one of the BEST experiences of my life. it was my version of the mtv show "the real world" with all the drama but no cameras. i'll never forget that experience.

After the internship, i went back to houston for a while and decided to move back to chicago. while in chicago, i worked in some pretty high profile jobs for a few big name companies. i also attended depaul university and pledged in a fraternity while working a full time job as a hr manager. (heavy shit! what can i say im addicted to being busy) it has always been my dream to live in NYC. not for any reason in particular i just wanted to experience it but i wanted to make sure i was finished with school before i did it. shortly after graduation, i decided to follow my dream and move to new york.

i thought i was ready for new york since im from chicago but i quickly realized that nyc is a beast and only the strong survive. dont get me wrong it was everything i imagined it to be. i met some wonderful people and had some bomb ass sex while i was there but the easiest way to explain my view of nyc is to say that it is WORK! everything is work..finding a job, riding the subway, shopping, finding an apartment and lets not talk about the taxes...they have city, state and federal taxes..so basically u work to pay taxes...Overall i have to say that i dont regret my ny experience because by actually living there and experiencing the culture, i achieved the goal i set for myself.

NOW

in december of last year, i decided that i wasnt going to work for another company. i was sick of wasting my talents on these corporations and not getting valued for my hard work. after i made that declaration, Brown Knows LLC showed up and ive been on that path ever sense. i resigned from my good government job in january to pursue launching my company full-time and it was the single BEST decision i ever made. i'm happier now than ive ever been and i'm loving this new journey (bumps and all). i know that im building something that is destined for success because at the core of my drive and intention is a sincere desire to help people. failure is not an option for me so im doing whatever it takes to make this work!

FINALLY

i hate labels and being defined by them. if you really want to irritate me, try describing somebody to me with a label in front of your description..(i.e. thats James u know the gay dude) sexuality plays such a small part in the big picture so unless u tryin to hav sex with me or if knowing my sexual preference will make a significant difference in your life dont ask me about mine. and do me a HUGE favor, if somebody asks you about me or u are trying to describe me simply say his name is bobby brown jr (not whitney's husband)!