Being Bobby Brown Jr.

HELL NO!! I'm NOT TURNING DOWN MY LIGHT 4 U

DISCLAIMER: This post is dedicated to what Kanye West calls 'The Dreamkillers' or what i call HATERS. We all have them (some more than others) and i've accepted the reality that they aint going away anytime soon. I've also learned how NOT to allow them to steal my joy or make me turn down the light that shines within me. Warning-this piece contains a few bad words :) (after all we are talkin to the haters)

WHAT??? u want me to turn down my light for you? why b/c the brightness reminds u of how much u don't like yourself or b/c it makes you uncomfortable to be around somebody who does. i know u are intimidated by my honesty b/c u surround yourself with people (your so called friends and sometimes family) who support your drama by constantly lying to you b/c they are afraid to hurt your feelings. I've heard you say "he's too much" and "he thinks he's all that" when referring to me and you know what I FULLY AGREE! I am too much in fact I'm more than too much I'M MUCH MORE! and since when did they start giving our mind reading degrees? (please share the knowledge cuz i need to get me one of those) You can't tell me what i THINK until you've been in my head but for the record, I DO THINK I'M ALL THAT b/c if I didn't WHO WOULD? (i know i cant count on u for that) i can't help the fact that my light shines bright where ever i go and people notice it. the thing you fail to understand is THAT IS NOT MY ISSUE! I DON'T CARE if people notice it, are uncomfortable with it, don't like it, etc. THAT'S THEIR PROBLEM & THEIR WORK TO DO...i'm ok with me and besides i'm working with a GIFT given to me by my creator and it FORCES me to shine. I'm not scared and will NEVER be afraid of you b/c he ALWAYS has my back and he ALWAYS takes care of me. so do me a favor, stop hating and start trying to figure out how u can turn up your light instead of letting other people keep it dim. stop hating and maybe you can actually digest some of the positive energy it gives off that you've missed b/c of your hate, stop trying to engage others in your hate b/c they see something you don't and while yes you will find a few others like yourself with dim lights, you are gonna run into many more people with lights that are bright (sometimes brighter than mine!)in case you hadn't noticed, i'm not going anywhere and to answer your question, HELL NO! I'm NOT TURNING DOWN MY LIGHT FOR YOU! Last but certainly not least, i have a motto by which i live my life and I want to share it with you to help you better understand how to relate to me going forward. My motto is "LIKE ME OR LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" Good luck on your journey to find peace....

YOU ARE LOVED! ~A Post About Suicide~(Updated)

*The title of this post was inspired by this song

So I'm havin a very hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that within da last 72hrs not 1 but 2 people (one whom I'm VERY close with) attempted suicide! One succeeded (RIP Joseph Jefferson) thank god da other didn't and even tho he's in pretty bad shape emotionally I spoke with him 2nite and he's ok. At his request I won't share anything else about him but I do want to highly encourage each of u to check on your friends and the people you love. If u feel like sumthin ain't rite it probaly isn't. Be persistent NOT pushy and make yourself available. I know depression is not a joke but there is NO EXCUSE 2 take yo life! NONE! It's not yours to take & its an absolutely heartless, cowardly & selfish thing to do 2 the people who care about you (and yes despite what you think SOMEBODY cares about YOU!) Even if it's only ONE person that ONE person cares and doesn't deserve the hurt & pain you'll cause by removing yourself from da earth .

Just in case u can't think of anybody I'll give one to start with. What about the person who despite havin a full time job several kids and a disabled parent to manage/deal with on a daily basis, makes a way to VOLUNTEER at least one nite out of there week to sit by a phone in a SUICIDE CRISIS CENTER waiting to take calls from people like you who they know nothing about! Why? because THEY CARE! THERE IS NO EXCUSE!

I had a very close friend who was an only child. In 2005, he lost his mother and grandmother during hurricane Katrina. He committed suicide and tho I've forgiven him and i miss him terribly I'm still very hurt by what he did and despite his circumstances I STILL feel what he did was wrong and there is STILL NO EXCUSE to take you our life! I DON'T CARE how bad u think it is.

About 3 years ago, EVERYTHING that could go wrong in my life did with. I was laid off a job that I actually really liked without any warning or savings, the person I'd spent 3 years of my life with and loved more than i'd ever loved ANYBODY hurt me in a way that I thought at the time was completely irrepairable & to make matters worse even tho I had a place to lay my head (thank god for David Blake) I was technically homeless. At the time I was living in DC and sumhow convinced myself that moving back to NYC would make things (& me better) NOT! The depression only got worse. The sadness only got worse, The pain only got worse, The loneliness only got worse, The feelings of failure & worthlessness only got worse, The isolation only grew deeper because I convinced myself that NOBODY understood what i was going thru and I was TIRED of picking myself up after falling so many times. I never wanted to become "that person" who ALWAYS lives there life going from one crisis to another and I'd convinced myself I'd become him. Even though I was raised with a full understanding of who GOD is, I'd convinced myself he really didnt care about people like me because i was one of "those people" who I'd been taught to be believe was an abomindation & therefore destined to hell. So praying or talking to GOD was off the table and not an option. I needed to numb the pain so i tried a WHOLE LOTTA STUFF including sex, drugs and a few other things that arent worthy of mentioning because NONE OF IT WORKED!

Up to that point, I hadnt imagined my life without my partner so I convinced myself life really wasnt worth living since it seemed like everytime things were going well in my life, SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN that would knock me down & I'd spend a ridiculous amount of time & energy picking myself up and starting all over again. For the very first time in my life, I started thinking about ending my life. It started as small random thoughts and before I knew it, it was all I could think about but the shame of admitting that 'strong Bobby who has gone thru a lot' was at his breaking point kept me from reaching out to the people who love me including my close friends & family.

Honestly I really dont remember the details leading up to the actual day/attempt. I do remember reaching out to my ex and telling him what I'd done. The next thing I remember was laying in a bed at NY Presbterian hospital in the psych emergency room all alone (except for the CRAZYS & CRIMINALS) surrounding me. I spent the next 2 weeks in Allen Pavillion (psych ward). The 2nd nite I was there, I met my psych doctor and she planted the seed that put me on the path to recovery. The very first thing she said was "Mr. Brown you're better than this & you know it! You're smarter than this & you know it! You're bigger than this & you know it! and if you don't use the time you're here to bring it back into your consiousness!" At that point I broke down and cried for 3 hours straight. I cried so much the nurse offered me a pill to calm my nerves..lol i politely declined and cried some more. As I cried, the words to an old song entitled 'Lean On Me' they used to sing at the church I was raised in came to my mind and wouldnt leave. Here are the lyrics:

When no one cared about me, if I should live or die. When no one bothered asking, why go along jus cry. When burdens got so heavy, I could not face the day. Thats when I feel his arms around me & I hear him gently say...

LEAN ON ME...when you have no strength to stand, when you feel you're going under, hold tighter to my hand. LEAN ON ME...when your heart is getting weak, WHEN YOU COME TO A PLACE WHERE IM ALL YOU HAVE, YOU WILL FIND I'M ALL YOU NEED!

Now the road is getting rugged, and the path is getting steep. I feel that i cant make it, and my heart is getting weak thats when I turn to see who's coming to guide me along the way, I can thats its my savior and i can hear him gently say...

LEAN ON ME...when you have no strength to stand, when you feel you're going under, hold tighter to my hand. LEAN ON ME...when your heart is getting weak, WHEN YOU COME TO A PLACE WHERE IM ALL YOU HAVE, YOU WILL FIND I'M ALL YOU NEED!

At that moment, I reintroduced myself to GOD and apologized for having a "when i need you relationship with him" Fast forward 3 years and I have a job, I have place to live, Im still very single but I'm HAPPY with me. I got my joy back! I got my peace back! Life hasnt been easy cuz its really just not meant to be but I'M STILL HERE! & I'm still about my future!

I've shared my very personal story (and yall know how private I am about my business)  with the hopes that at least ONE person can use my experience as inspiration to keep going! keep pumping! keep pressing! keep smiling, keep being grateful, keep moving & keep living because in spite of what you may think at this moment, YOU ARE LOVED!

PS You have my permission to pass share this post any way you see fit! My only request is that you let me know via email bobbybrownjr@gmail.com, facebook or twitter so that im prepared in case people might wanna reach out to me as a result of you sharing this.  

UPDATE: I forgot to mention that I worked thru that whole "people like me are an abomination and destined to hell" foolishness. The easiest way to explain it is to repost my reply to a recent comment on my FB page regarding the topic.  Shoutout to my girl Kathy who actually instigated the conversation..lol here is our exchange directly from the comment section of my facebook page.

Katherine Hardney Banks Pastor Gordon often said we would be great servants of God if we were on an island by ourselves. Ppl will get in the way if you let them. Maybe he was trying to fight it. I believe Pastor Donnie McClurkin who acknowledged he is not a praticing homosexual anymore and that God can deliver you. He also said if you happy being gay, stay that way he just knows what God did for him. Im like Tupac, "Only God Can Judge Me!" and he will!

Bobby Brown Jr wow..this is a sensitive topic that can spark a lot of emotions based on peoples commitment to their point of view. @kathy i love you and will still love you after u read my next few statements. There is no such thing such thing as being "d...elivered" from homosexuality.If there were I would have gotten it MANY years ago and passed it on 2 every other homosexual i know. I stop askin GOD to "deliver" me from being gay after he told me that he made me exactly the way he wanted me. If he wanted me to be anything/body else he wouldve made me that way. Period! The GOD i serve doesnt make mistakes & we have a GREAT relationship! btw Pastor McClurkin is still a homosexual & its only a matter of time b4 he's exposed jus like Eddie Long. We can agree to disagree on this topic b/c our views are different. Im also not interested in using the comment section of my facebook page to dialogue about it & I still luv ya like cooked food :)

Pisces Daily Horoscope 10/26/10 - Reflection on Impulse

Your emotions could seem beyond your control today. A sense that your thoughts are subject to your heart and not your intellect may compel you to act compulsively without regard for the consequences. This might be due to an underlying feeling of anger and dissatisfaction with where you are in your life right now. You may want to increase your awareness of your emotional thought patterns today.

Try to step away from your desires and take a mental inventory of your life. If you have shelter, food, income, and social support, then you should realize that there is very little to be dissatisfied with in your life. You may notice that your emotions have very little to do with your actual situation. You could find that you begin to see things for what they are and could act with greater reason as a result.

Examining our lives realistically allows us to more easily control our irrational thoughts and emotions. When we recognize that sometimes our emotions can get carried away and cause us to act impulsively, we see that we have the power to rein them in. We notice that our compulsions come from a search for satisfaction from things outside of ourselves and that we can never fill this need except from within. As we understand our thought patterns and realize that everything in our lives is as it should be, our compulsions will recede into the distance. Thinking about your emotional thought patterns rationally today will give you greater control over your impulses.

c/o Daily OM - Nurturing Mind Body & Spirit. 

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Create Time For Self Compassion

*Being Gentle With Ourselves

'The more we are able to treat our bodies with gentleness, the more compassion we will call forth into our lives.'

During those times when our lives are filled with what seems to be constant change and growth, it is important to remember that we need to be gentle with ourselves. Since it can be easy to use our energy to keep up with the momentum of our lives, we may not be aware of the fact that we are much more likely to run ourselves down. When things seem to be moving quickly, it is especially essential that we make a point to slow down and be gentle with ourselves.

It might be difficult to notice what is happening to us for we may be so caught up in the whirlwind of our lives that we lose sight of the direction in which things are heading. Being gentle with ourselves doesn’t mean that we don’t accomplish things. Instead it means that we honor ourselves on an ongoing basis and take care of the needs of our bodies.

This means different things to different people. For instance, it could mean having a session with a healer; taking a remedy, herbs, or vitamins; or getting extra sleep. Putting our energy into ourselves in this way helps create space for a more positive, loving, and accepting view of our lives. By setting the intention to do so, we will be more cognizant of our energy levels on a daily basis and more able to replenish them as needed.

The more we are able to treat our bodies with gentleness, the more tenderness and compassion we will call forth into our lives. Learning to understand and pay attention to what our self needs will in turn allow us to fill our lives with unlimited loving and healing energy and to truly take care of the things that mean the most to us.

*This post is courtesy of Daily OM

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Pisces Daily Horoscope 10/1/10 - Love You For Yourself

You may be overexerting your energy either at work or with exercise today, which could leave you tired. Doing more than you are able to and pushing yourself might be the result of your desire to receive praise and validation from other people. Perhaps if you can work on being comfortable with who you are no matter what you do today, you might find it easier to rest and rejuvenate yourself. Should you at any time notice any thoughts you have that make you feel imperfect, you can repeat a simple affirmation to yourself such as “I am wonderful just as I am” or “Everything about me is beautiful.” Simple sentences as these can serve as reminders of how much you have to offer others and the strength of the beauty and talent that resides within you. 

Learning to love ourselves in our present state is a powerful tool for regaining our peace of mind. Our constant desire to always want to outdo ourselves is something that tends to push us to unhealthy limits. Being able to rest and heal ourselves, however, first begins with a shift in our attitude toward who we are. If we can recognize the treasure that we are on a more fundamental level, we will be more able to let go of our need to exert ourselves and release into the joy and wonders of what our lives are in the present. Putting your energy into yourself positively today will reenergize and revitalize you in the best way possible. 

 

c/o Daily OM - Nurturing Mind Body & Spirit. 

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A Moment of Choice ~ Starting New

Starting something new allows us to choose to reset knowing that with each choice we learn, grow, and move forward.

There are times in our lives that lend themselves to starting something new. The beginning of a new year, finishing school, leaving a job, or changing homes—these all are times that turn our minds to fresh starts. Their advantage is that they bring with them the energy of that event, creating a tide of change around them that we can ride to our next shoreline. But we can choose to start anew anytime. In any moment we can decide that a bad day or a relationship that’s gotten off on the wrong foot can be started again. It is a mental shift that allows us to clean the slate and approach anything with fresh eyes, and we can make that choice at any time. 

Starting new is most powerful when we focus our attention to what we are choosing to create. Giving all of our attention to the unwanted aspects of our lives allows what we resist to persist. We need to remember to leave enough room in the process of new beginnings to be kind to ourselves, because it takes time to become accustomed to anything new, no matter how much we like it. There is no need to get down on ourselves if we don’t reach our new goals instantly. Instead, we acknowledge the forward motion and choose to reset and start again, knowing that with each choice we learn, grow, and move forward. 

Making the choice to start anew has its own energy—it’s a promise made to you. The forward momentum creates a sort of vacuum behind it, pulling toward you all you need to help you continue moving in your chosen direction. Once the journey has begun, it may take unexpected turns, but it never really ends. Like cycles in nature, there are periods of obvious growth and periods of dormancy that signal a time of waiting for the right moment to burst forth. Each time we choose to start anew we dedicate ourselves to becoming the best we are able to be.